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Domestic violence heartbreak remains

Posted on November 18, 2008, 9:09am and updated on November 18, 2008 at 9:54 am

To Lynn Westbrook it makes no difference that White Ribbon Day’s focus is on men who stand up against violence against women.

She will join the male members of the community at the Blue Lake for Australia’s Loudest Shout on November 25 to shout no to violence as loud as she can.

“Maybe, just maybe it will help create an awareness which can make at least one women’s life better than my own daughter’s,” Lynn (pictured) said.

nullIt has been three long years since Lynn received the knock on the door that parents fear most — her only daughter had been brutally murdered in a domestic dispute.

With the memories of that horrific day still vivid in her mind, the distraught mother told The Border Watch she felt like someone who had been sentenced to life for something she did not do.

“My daughter was sentenced to death, I was sentenced to life and he, her husband, was sentenced to only 14 years in prison,” she said.

By taking a stand against domestic violence Lynn hoped to help create a better understanding of a crime which leads to a breakdown of family structure.

Her daughter was a victim of domestic violence for many years before her tragic death, a desperate situation Lynn said not even police intervention or restraining orders could solve.

“Strangely, I never labelled it as domestic violence, my mind was just trying to work out how someone could bash her and how he could manipulate and control her to make her into believing it was her fault,” she said.

“In hindsight it was all about control and that control was so strong that she returned to him even after she had taken out a restraining order against him; she always believed him when he said he would not bash her again.”

Lynn said she often felt helpless when she phoned the police and was told she could not make a complaint on behalf of her daughter.

“I later realised it could make it even more dangerous for her if they interfered; he would have bashed her again if the police came to their door to ask questions,” she said.

“I have a lot of respect for what the police do under very difficult circumstances.”

The road to recovery has been very painful and it took several hospital treatments for trauma and at least two years before Lynn was able to function normally again.

“At first my mind ached so much the murder did not register as real, my whole body ached and my emotions were shattered, I was numb for a long time and all I wanted to do was cry and cry,” she said.

“What many people don’t realise is that the pain drags on through the funeral, through the court case during which you have to deal with friction between family members on both sides and listen to horrific things being said in court, and then when you finally come home, you grief over the loss of a beautiful daughter you miss so much.”

Lynn said the grieving process was made worse when people said “the wrong things” while trying to console her.

“A friend meant well when she hugged me outside court and said everything’s okay, it’s all over now.

“But, they don’t understand, it’s not — there’s the breaking up of families you have to deal with, the separation from grandchildren you love and above all, the grief, the anger and the struggle to forgive and let go.”

Still struggling with many unanswered questions, Lynn said she was at least sure it could help to bring a violent partner to seek counselling.

“I know it’s hard to do, but whatever it takes, get him to get help, get him to counselling, get him to see what he is doing, is wrong,” she said.

“And get her to realise she does not deserve to be treated like that.

“My daughter’s husband refused to get help and she paid with her life … if we pushed him harder, she could still have been alive.”

ANELIA BLACKIE

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