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Cheers for a happy New Year

Posted on December 31, 2008, 8:08am and updated on December 31, 2008 at 8:16 am

What is your New Year resolution? This week that is the most common question asked around the world.

Last weekend it was: What did Santa give you?

And after last week’s column, it was: “Did you get an angle grinder?”

Last week we talked about Christmas Eve doubling as International Shopping Day for Men, done with military precision, and the type of presents David usually gives me.

For being so horrid, Richard, Jim, Bevan, Colin and Troy from Mount Gambier to Melbourne hoped I got a big heavy angle grinder for Christmas.

Neville of Hamilton thought I was mean too. He bought his wife a new car “with tinted windows, mag wheels and a twin exhaust”. Jeepers, she should like that!

Sue of Penola got a wheelbarrow amid claims from her husband “we have a lot of cementing to do”. Not so sure she liked that.

Sally talked about the time her husband raced in to buy her a present.

She was horrified to see him looking at an ugly garden ornament with a particular sized box beside it. On Christmas Day the same sized box appeared under the Christmas tree.

She unwrapped the box, thinking it was not heavy enough for the ugly ornament.

Opening the box, her husband’s excited face turned to despair — it was empty.

In his haste to purchase her a present, he had picked up a display box by mistake.

Margy of Naracoorte bought and wrapped her own present this year — with her husband’s credit card. She got a chainsaw for Christmas two years ago.

Alice also of Naracoorte was going to take her present back to the shop and swap it for something else. She got a do-it-yourself handyman book.

David gave the angle grinder a miss — but the surprise present came from a hardware shop — new blinds for the house.

Now the present giving is over, its time to wipe the slate clean and start a new year.

With parties everywhere tomorrow night, there will be lots of noise and lots of people sloppy drunk.

At the stroke of midnight, those still standing will run around kissing everyone.

Each year the same old resolutions get trotted out about losing weight, getting fit, getting a better job, saving money, and quitting habits like smoking.

No matter what happened last year good or bad, the start of a new year is like the start of our own new book — a chance to start life over again. Let’s not mention most resolutions will be broken within three days.

Some friends were considering their resolutions earlier this week and trotted out some less traditional ones.

“Well, I will put on 30 kilos, drink more beer and watch more cricket on TV,” Ted said with a grin.

Anne said: “I will find out why I need seven different email addresses and change my password from my Christian name.”

Then she said: “If I see a big cat in 2009, I’m not going to tell you about it.”

With cats on their mind, New Year resolutions were then put forward for daughter Trixi and son in law Dirk’s dog, Bones.

I will not chase the neighbour’s cat; I will stop barking at the cat and the poodle down the road and I will not chase any stupid stick unless I see it leave their hand first.

And I will not dig up any more pot plants at Greg and Fee’s doggy day care.

Whatever your New Year resolution for 2009, let’s hope it is a happy, healthy and prosperous one for us all.

CHRIS OLDFIELD

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