The dilemma of the older single

10 Responses to “The dilemma of the older single”

1. jmouse7 on June 22nd, 2009 4:56 pm 1

   Just so happens I WAS in the states and met someone from the mount online. We’ve been happily married over 6 years and living here in Mount Gambier, so while we may be in the minority as far as online relationships working out we are also lasting proof that such a thing can and does work.
2. Ebony Jackson on June 22nd, 2009 5:51 pm 2

   Maybe we just don’t want to appear too desperate.

   People often assume if one is single they are deficient of something significant , or else something must be WRONG with them.…??

   Its a lot easier for guys. ( my opinion only)…not such a disability in need of a big explanation or full disclosure. Honestly? if you are single and available.…happy with your own set ways.…kinda hard to change it and have to put up with crap you don’t need to go through again…because you have already been there before it became so unpopular to be single.…still?
3. the diplomat on June 22nd, 2009 6:51 pm 3

   I always wanted to form a ‘petrashevsky circle’ which is a group that Dostoevsky and other writers formed. They would meet and discuss life, love, literature, books, philosophy etc. Though most of the group were executed or exiled. In fact I still think Petrashevsky circles are banned in some countries. Though I do not know if Mount Gambier is ready for one yet.
4. Maybe on June 23rd, 2009 8:17 am 4

   Almost everyone I’ve known that has tried internet dating, have found partners and if necessary, one has relocated to the other. They’re all happy and never regret it.

   It’s not as bad as you make it out to be. The internet is just another communication tool, and one that doesn’t have to involve being hit on by sleezy people in bars. Done from the safety of your own surrounds. In fact, it’s a good way to really get to know someone.
5. bridget j on June 23rd, 2009 6:50 pm 5

   I know what you mean about places to go for people who want to meet people but who are not into the nightclub/pub scene.

   Maybe you can look into creating a social networking group along the lines of YPN. They meet up once a week and also have outings.

   There is a lot of work involved but maybe you could be the person to get this off the ground.

   Don’t quote me, but I do think there is a group that has formed that gets the 40+ crowd together — I don’t know how you can track them down. I have seen the occasional flyer (ages ago) for singles interested in bbqs etc.

   I wouldn’t know how to get intouch with these people but maybe you can put some feelers out there.

   Maybe advertise by making your own flyers or even putting something into the personal columns. Surely someone would contact you — if you don’t get a response through your email.
6. Adboy on June 24th, 2009 6:25 pm 6

   Hello.
   It is with great interest that I have come across this blog at this point in time.

   Recently on a regular visit to Mt Gambier, oh and by the way I am from Adelaide, I got into a discussion with my little sister a Mt Gambier resident and a friend that had come with me, about internet dating and running of to far away places to meet men when there is plenty of single men in the South East.

   I am a male aged 37 and have made some good friends from the internet. Some intimate and others just friends and I wish to add that before I get started. I have done my time on the net and I just want to point that out first.

   Correct some people have met the partner of there dreams in this fashion.

   But my issues with internet dating and the “People” internet dating are as follows.

   Before I start on my rant I would like to point out that I am guilty of some of these as well. These include being over judgemental about their looks and there profiles etc and then just clicking next, next, and next.
   More on that at the end of this rant…..

   My opinion on internet dating, is like walking down the supermarket isle looking high and wide pondering just what I might have for tea.

   Sounds crazy?

   Do you not find yourself looking at photo after photo or reading equally as many profiles only to push the next button to check out the next and then the next profile, I am sure you get my point. And how many candidates do you not accept or reject based on a poor photo or a not so well written profile because the next one might be Brad Pit or that night in shinning armour. We if not all find our selves doing this.

   And let me ask you to think just how many hours that you yourself consume doing this type of activity?
   It can come for many and I was included, the very first thing to do when you walk through the door to rush and turn on the net and then be monitoring and spending proceeding hours trolling through the profiles like some type of transfixed zombie hopping that the love of your life may jump out and grab you.

   On a recent visit from a friend of mine and talking about the above she joined up to social me at my house, which is a part of face book. I kid you not she had 30 tags in around 15 mins from hopeful guys just like my self.

   I have always been aware of the 10 times as many males as there are females in dating sites but that was a ridiculous and somewhat disturbing example.

   There was 30 guys all hoping in that 15 min timeframe, that they had some type of chance with my friend.

   I wonder if you would get 30 guys in 15 mins down the local on a Friday night approaching you? And if you did how would you feel about that? Flattered for a while maybe, only to then be over the whole thing a few mins later.

   I agree that the internet is just another communication tool as an earlier writer points out. But as that earlier writer goes on to say, its better than being hit on by sleazy people in bars.

   I can understand and appreciate this, BUT were is it written in stone, that bars are the only place to meet people and general drunk people at that.

   So this brings me on to my next point.
   The art of COMMUNICATION!!!!!!

   I believe that internet dating along with home theatre style stay at home don’t go out and socialise is killing the art of communication in general when it comes to finding a suitable mate and overall networking.

   Just to drop my little sis into it again, she claims that there is no men jumping out at her in the Mount Gambier.

   Why? I have pondered this question over and over again, she is attractive, motivated and owns her own business. And that is not being biased, that my friends is the truth.

   But getting back to HER claim that no men are jumping out at her in Mt Gambier is blinding obvious to me as to why.

   Why???

   Well how in the hell do the good men of Mt Gambier and the South East in general even know she exist, if every night and spare moment she has she is at home in front of that bloody computer, being trolled and hit on by men from all over the country and indeed the world.

   “I rest my case”.

   Back to the point I have made earlier about us all clicking next then next.
   Are we not as bad as those sleazy types at a bar be it that it is from the safety and anonymity of our own homes, male or female?

   And have you ever stopped to think that if you actually met that person that you clicked next on, face to face, you may actually think WOW you are amazing.

   But to be the devil advocate you might be going on a first date with some one you have got to know really really well over the internet, from the safety of your own home, only to go or quickly realise what the hell am I doing here, this is not the person that I thought I was getting to know.

   If that has happened to you, you will understand the bitter disappointment with this.

   But be aware the carefully sent and responded text on a screen from your self and the person on the other end somewhere in cyberspace, has no substitute for the feelings of meeting a real live person face to face.

   It in itself is all a bit false if you have time to think about what you are going to write back and so on and so forth. Are you really being your self is the question?

   Maybe to many expectation, bet hey you may have spent months talking through a machine with this person and you thought that you knew them well..

   And that there is the problem in a nutshell! THE MACHINE INTERNET

   You see and correct me if I am wrong; they still have not made a computer that can ever give that meeting some one face to face experience. Hearing there voice, seeing them talk, seeing them walk how the hold there posture eat drink mannerisms and the feeling of pheromones that exist between any two people, especially on a first meeting can not be felt ever through the internet no matter how gorgeous or handsome they may be.

   How many times have you seen a photo of some one, made a judgement or opinion and then meet them in real life and be blown away or been equally disappointed?

   So yes the internet is another form of communication!

   But.

   As I said earlier where is it written in stone that the local on a Friday night full of drunks is the only place to meet the opposite gender.

   I hear it over and over that there is no where to meet people in the Mount Gambier.

   I have suggested running speed dating style event where single looking to meet other singles can come together. I could not believe it when I was shot down be a number of people that this type of event would not work as the Mount is to small, or too cliquey etc.

   Ridiculous I say!

   So with all this said where else can we meet people?

   Sports
   Crafts
   Attending courses
   Church groups
   Rotary
   Lions
   Get your kids involved in sports, scouts etc
   School committees, single Dads as well
   Hold a BBQ and have a open house party.

   Lets add to this list.

   Can’t meet any one in The South East?

   As I have said already RIDICULOUS.
   Get out from behind your computer and home entertainment units get involved.

   You will find that they are just down the end of your street or in the next town.
   Probably just not on the net but they are there you just have to get out and about and you will find them and they will find you.

   Must run as I have a dinner party to go to.

   See you around some time.

   Adboy
7. bridget j on June 25th, 2009 5:29 pm 7

   Adboy you have answered my question about “how come speed dating has never come to this town” …

   It seems as though this place is too backwards when it comes to being up to date with “how to find someone right now” …

   Speed dating has been around for ages, but I have yet to see it mentioned in any conversation that I have been part of.

   It is like a B&S ball … Many years ago, 5GTR-FM had a B&S Ball (at South Gambier) and there was a very poor gathering for that event.

   I think people who are single are not really interested in making an effort to meet people when there are opportunities abound.

   I can understand people not being interested in going to nightclubs (like myself) but there are the occasions where you can get out there and meet people on a social leave.

   I think people have forgotten how to make friends … and try to be sociable …
8. Adboy on June 25th, 2009 7:01 pm 8

   Bridget, last night over dinner some friends told me about another great idea called speed dining.

   3 tables of 3men and 3 women eat a course and then the men shift to the next table for the second course and again for the third and then all mingle after.

   I have got worked up over this issue in Mt Gambier as I have been wanting to hold an event(s) like speed dating or now dining.

   Problem being my other business partners are against it.

   Go Figure.
9. bridget j on June 27th, 2009 6:08 pm 9

   Hi Adboy

   I actually think that they have had speed dining in the US and I think (don’t quote me) in the cities …

   Yes, some people are against progress, even if it means that they miss out on making money …

   Some people who are in business like to put things into the too hard basket and never take the opportunity to try something different if it means making money and bringing in new clientele …

   This is the story of MtG and its born and bred residents …
10. Adam Naiova on September 6th, 2009 10:08 am 10

    the diplomat said: ‘I always wanted to form a ‘petrashevsky circle’ which is a group that Dostoevsky and other writers formed. They would meet and discuss life, love, literature, books, philosophy etc.’

    Is a ‘petrashevsky circle’ a bit like The Bloomsbury Group, of British intellectuals, artists and other notable people in the first half of the 20th century?

    Bloomsbury had a very diverse range of Britons as members, including novelist Virginia Woolf and economist John Maynard Keynes.

    I think we did in the past have similar groups in Australia, such as the Sydney Push and the Melbourne Drift.

    The Push is the more well-known of the two groups and existed form the late 1940’s until the early 1970’s; it included members such as feminist Germaine Greer and author/television presenter Clive James.

    I have always thought it was a pity that such groups don’t seem to exist anymore.

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