Family law stacked against fathers

48 Responses to “Family law stacked against fathers”

1. Bruce Potter on November 5th, 2009 11:53 am 1

   It does not stop either, I just had a visit from one of my three daughters that I have had not seen for four years or heard from for three years, she now lives in NSW and is 20 years old, the shame of it is I have only seen her less than 20 times in the last 15 years but I know the truth and at least I am always here for my children. Hang in there, be where you can be contacted and look after yourself. Life goes on and time flies, just be there.
2. michael harris-walker on November 5th, 2009 5:20 pm 2

   Here here, COURT ORDER what a joke. I have had one since the get-go, now ten years later and a lot of dangling of my daughter in and out of my life I still am having to go back to court to see her. This time I’m well more prepared only to find out that the rights I had earlier have now been dismissed because of a few messed in the head fathers/ mothers who abuse the system and those who genuinely care for their kids no matter in or not in the relationship!

   My kids are my world and yeah I agree, sometimes I’m not the best father, but this doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get the chance to do what’s best for her, not me but her.

   What does it take before the courts will side with the bloke when the child is obviousy not getting the best life she deserves?

   No wonder men’s suicide rate is going up when we have no rights in our own children’s lives.

   I myself have problems with getting totally depressed where I don’t want to talk or even see anyone and even have considered it myself, but with great friends and two other children and my daughter to look forward too I soldier on, sometimes a very miserable man indeed.

   YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH SOMEONE THEN GIVE THEM THE RIGHTS TO DO THE BEST FOR THE CHILD, NOT YOURSELF. I don’t like her mother, but hey I WILL NEVER STOP HER OR HER FAMILY FROM SEEING HER.

   That’s how it should be and no matter what, my mind will never change the fact I accept it takes two to bring and raise that child in this world!
3. Ebony Jackson on November 5th, 2009 6:07 pm 3

   This is all so terrible and so unfair.
   I think these men (above) have had tawdry treatment and it seems they are deserving of so much more.
   Please don’t let the system destroy your hope and rights.
   It takes a brave man to write how he truly feels.
   Giving up is not an option because your kids NEED YOU.
4. Casual Observer of the Law on November 5th, 2009 7:07 pm 4

   Just so you know this is a direct jab at the border watch printing this letter with very little information or confirmation of alleged facts, attacking a Lawyer or Barrister in a public forum with full knowledge that they can not respond due to confidentiality is as far from responsible journalism as Ive seen in this paper.

   The legislation for the family law system, that the writer so passionately criticises, clearly states that children are in fact the people that have and or hold rights, parents have responsibilities not rights to their children.

   It is also very clear that this is but one side to the story and in life is there ever distinct black or white colors or is there in fact many shades of grey?

   I would love to hear a response from the Barrister/Lawyer/Magistrate or actually the mother of the child, but we all know that these roles have certain confidentiality requirements that stop them responding.

   While I do not wish to appear to be attacking the poster of this story and or seem to be strongly opposing what is alleged to have occurred here, I think that a “News” paper should do a little research into the letters they receive.

   Quote:
   Of the last 500 cases that our magistrate has heard, 400 have been overturned on appeal. Who else would keep their job with a record like that.
   End Quote.

   Considering that Family matters, even on appeal are kept confidential I find it high on impossible to believe that this figure could be obtained.

   Signed
   Disgruntled with the “News”.
5. Letter Writer on November 5th, 2009 9:43 pm 5

   To “Casual Observer of the Law” I wrote the letter, it is my family’s experience. The 400 quote was from another satisfied customer of the magistrate from a Family Court website.

   I don’t know where you live, but I live in Australia and I have freedom of speech and bullies like you are the reason why men who get treated like this stay quiet.

   This is happening to men all over the country every day; its despicable and disgusting.
6. deb on November 6th, 2009 6:37 am 6

   I myself can’t clearly see the father’s point as I fled a violent marriage over 30 years ago with little support from anyone, while my children watched repeated abuses which involved them.

   He wasn’t a father in my book. I believe what you see in your childhood impacts in later life, seeing daddy beat mummy, goes on to adulthood.

   When a marriage breaks down and hatred is left I think a clean break for all is better than keeping a festering open wound. Kids adjust and grow and fathers grieve. Sadly some people can’t be fair and all the courts in the world can’t make it so.
7. Letter Writer on November 6th, 2009 7:28 am 7

   To answer Deb: I’m sorry you have been treated this way, but this is not the case here, just an immature young woman wanting to use the child for revenge.

   The point of this letter is to show that the Family Law Court does not treat women and men equally, it encourages women to lie there arses off and withhold children as punishment.

   This is a letter to the editor and I have a right to tell what has happened to my family, and you are all missing the point. When is it right to keep a father and daughter apart that love each and miss each other so much? The relationship between the parents is over, but why does that mean a father’s rights end?

   This is why these men stay quiet; they have enough to deal without such animosity.
8. Heidi on November 6th, 2009 8:22 am 8

   There are always two sides to every story. We don’t have the other side’s story in this article so I won’t cast judgement unless I get the full story.

   I am shocked and disgusted however with how the Family Law Court have bullied me and my little daughter because of a guy who lied to me, got me pregnant, then tried to force me to terminate my pregnancy and then took off.

   He never lived with me, never wanted his daughter, never even gave her so much as a bottle. Now she is almost six years old and the Family Law Court are telling me that if I don’t send her near this guy that she doesn’t even know and who has been diagnosed with a mental disorder most serial killers have as well as a serious drug addiction, which goes back 24 years, that I will go to prison for breaching orders and my daughter will be seized from me by the Australian Federal Police!

   I live in constant fear of the Family Law Court and my daughter’s safety and pray to God that the government does something because nobody should have to live in constant fear like this in Australia.

   I have written to the commissioner of the Human Rights Commission in Geneva, Switzerland, as well.
9. Adam Naiova on November 6th, 2009 9:28 am 9

   Whilst I agree that there are many flaws, some quite serious, in the Family Court process, for the most part I agree with Casual Observer of the Law’s views.

   I don’t intend this as a personal attack on Letter Writer, but with regard to the case in question, we have only heard the one-sided account of an anonymous person.

   Whilst I understand the necessity for anonymity in this case (especially as giving your name may reveal the identity of the child involved, which probably would have legal implications), it does make it harder for the public to objectively evaluate your account of the events and for others involved to give their side of the story.

   Letter Writer said: ‘I don’t know where you live, but I live in Australia and I have freedom of speech and bullies like you are the reason why men who get treated like this stay quiet.’

   I live in Australia too and yes we all have freedom of speech.

   I do not for a minute think that you should not have been legally entitled to express your views via this letter.

   However, a hallmark of responsible journalism is the notion of the right of reply, whereby person/s who have been criticised in an article or letter in a publication, have the right to give their side of the story and defend themselves against the criticism.

   Unfortunately, due to the privacy and confidentiality issues involved with the legal system in general and family law in particular, a right of reply is for the most part not available in this case.

   Family law issues are very emotive and both sides of the various arguments are inclined to resort to hyperbole and personal attacks when debating various issues or particular cases.

   It is therefore particularly important, for articles and letters regarding family law issues, to be subject to a high degree of editorial discretion, in the name of responsible journalism.
10. Tired of the games on November 6th, 2009 9:32 am 10

    Dear Letter Writer,

    I felt sick reading your family’s story. I also have a similar story of our family, and yours read like our lives. I think your point is, that surely the “system” can see through abusive fathers vs vindictive mothers. The fact that a father has to go to court to get access to his child in it self should lead to one question of “why?” and there could really only be two answers — the father is unfit for parental responsibility or the mother is withholding access for personal reasons.

    It should be that simple — do a police check, was there domestic violence in the household, was there drug abuse (not alleged, factual evidence), etc.

    If none of these checks hold true than within a short time period (say one month) then visitation should be approved and law enforced if necessary. Then continue the games in court to come to a suitable long-term agreement, but don’t let the children and fathers suffer in the mean time. What happens otherwise is the time gets dragged out, then the mother can claim the child has no relationship with the father and before you know it a year has passed!

    The fact is that mothers can hold up proceedings with as many allegations as they can muster up, and clog up the system while the barristers and magistrates wade through the mess.

    Our family had to deal with horrific allegations, some of abuse that was fully investigated and come out unfounded. But in the meantime, our family was interviewed several times, so was the child, resources were spent flying experts down from the city — and what happened, they found no basis for the concern — and what happened to the person making the claim — absolutely nothing, and yet our family is left with emotional scars that cause a grandparent to constantly rethink her movements in case she is branded again and needs evidence to the contrary.

    I am not claiming that all fathers or mothers should have equal rights, some people are not fit parents and there will always be a place for the “system”.

    But from where my family sits, $30,000 out of pocket, still paying child support in a 50% care arrangement and child abuse allegations that have scarred our family unit — and all due to one mother’s need for control at any cost … even her child’s happiness.
11. Andrew Pavone on November 6th, 2009 9:50 am 11

    To “Casual Observer of the Law”, I am a management consultant and I have met many people who have experienced the destruction of the current adversarial system of family law.

    The Australian family law system being adversarial in nature encourages perjury and lies and is very much biased against fathers. We now have a very concerted campaign by the family law profession (using radical feminists as the Trojan Horse) to wind back the shared parental responsibility legislation that was enacted by the Howard Government in 2006. Even those modest reforms never went far enough to allow children to have equal time with their fathers and still allow custodial parents to manipulate the system in their favour without impunity.

    Litigation funding is encouraged by lawyers to fund women’s legal fees on fights that usually result in the women getting a far worse result and in many cases losing housing. People need to realise that family law is a big game and its no coincidence that many family lawyers and barristers drive luxury cars, live in very big houses and take their families away on expensive overseas holidays.

    Mentions with registrars are largely a waste of time and another point for lawyers to extract fees from emotionally challenged families and those not of sound minds. Family lawyers are not qualified in financial matters yet many gain or coerce agreements dealing with a family’s most valuable asset, the matrimonial home in the meeting rooms at family courts or their cafes. There is no requirement for family lawyers or barristers to be licensed financial representatives — where is the consumer protection?

    And what about the human rights abuse? To destroy a good parent’s relationship with a child? Why do we allow this to happen? It’s a sick sick society that allows the family law industry to operate in this way.

    As one song I heard goes: “beware of shonky psychologists, a self-centred group of narcissists, one call from a lawyer gets a dodgy report, they’re selling their souls for affluence” — all too true.

    Want to reform the family law system, see my submission on the Attorney General’s website.

    Read it and tell us if you agree.

    Thanks for your story Family Law Stacked Against Fathers. This we know to be the case both here in Australia and the rest of the developed Western world.
12. cheryl on November 6th, 2009 10:08 am 12

    Six years ago my ex-husband ran off with my two of my children and all I get told is if we can find them we can start the legal process.

    While I am sorry for what you are going through, and hope it turns out well for you and your child, the law is not just against fathers. The problem is it needs a total overhaul.
13. Adam Naiova on November 6th, 2009 1:27 pm 13

    Andrew Pavone said: ‘The Australian family law system being adversarial in nature encourages perjury and lies and is very much biased against fathers. We now have a very concerted campaign by the family law profession (using radical feminists as the Trojan Horse) to wind back the shared parental responsibility legislation that was enacted by the Howard Government in 2006. Even those modest reforms never went far enough to allow children to have equal time with their fathers and still allow custodial parents to manipulate the system in their favour without impunity.’

    Firstly, I will say that whilst the Australian family law system remains at base an adversarial system (which is the centuries-old basis for the system of common law, which has generally served us well throughout the years), there have been moves in recent years towards a more concilatory approach to family law, ie increased use of mediation.

    Secondly, an automatic assumption of shared custody, while fine in theory, rarely works in practice.

    It fails to take into account that, even nowadays, rightly or wrongly, the primary caregiver of children remains the mother. It is therefore only right that after divorce, the primary caregiver (ie usually the mother) should become the resident parent.

    This is not to say, however, that the non-resident parents (ie usually the father) should not have adequate and indeed significant visitation rights. Furthermore, these visitation rights should be strictly enforced, which is a common problem at the present.

    However, an automatic assumption of equal custody is not what I can fairly confidently say, most separated parents want and perhaps most tellingly it is not what most FATHERS would want either.

    The change to an automatic assumption of shared custody was a result of an attempt by the Howard Government to pander to father right’s groups, on purely ideological grounds.

    The automatic assumption of shared custody, can be varied by courts, having it does make it more difficult for judges to rule in line with the wishes of most families.

    I do not like to use anecdotal evidence to support my claims, however I have heard of several cases of Family Court judges resigning since the introduction of shared custody, due to exasperation that they are no hamstrung by legislation from providing the best outcome for the children involved.
14. Asisha on November 6th, 2009 11:00 pm 14

    In my opinion, I feel that making comments on one sided story is difficult. The family law courts and other stakeholders like the lawyers and other established systems fail to see the needs of children. A young girl of two and a half, when the separation took place would emotionally and psychologically need her mum’s constant attention, and it is the truth no matter what argument anyone wants to present, and that is from developmental perspective as it is the most natural thing to do.

    I feel that the relationship between the couple was obviously quite bad for them and for the mum to seek another relationship. It is obvious that the father had a short fuse and very demanding if he did not get his way, however I empathise with his presentation, which to me indicates that this behaviour amounts to inappropriate interaction skills, and which resulted in security presence.

    I would like to see that children are left with the mothers up to age ten, and that fathers have contact. Of course the child support contribution becomes a problem and maybe, mother’s and father’s should band together, in finding ways to find better solutions for their children.

    Children in the end suffer, and the constant changes in the arrangements and emotional shifts cause kids to have a lot of problems in life. Maybe the laws should look at some standards and also that perhaps getting rid off the adversarial system, so neither parents have the opportunity to lie, or become vindictive.

    Reading the article appears to be quite sad but also concerning, as the author has made general statements about women, and is negative towards every mother. It only possibly could be explained as women and children in that particular family being treated as less than the entitlements he claims. Of course report writers, lawyers and the courts don’t help, but let us as parents become more realistic and honest, and find better solutions rather than holding polarised views on gender and diminishing maternal input in children’s lives, and also supporting father’s role and helping them to be better parents and assisting them to overcome abusive behaviours.

    The suicides are committed by the fathers, but they also commit over 90% of homicides towards their partners and also go so as to kill their children, out of the self-interest need to control and disempower mothers or to take revenge. We know that domestic violence is caused by the more aggressive in the relationships which in many cases are unfortunately males against women and children.

    I really would like to see parents working together, and also finding best ways to help their children, but it appears the current systems and stakeholders have the control and power, and it needs to change and the government should intervene through legislation and allow flexible and workable options for parents and children, and also empathise and be compassionate through the pains, and agony of separation.

    Editor’s note: The letter writer was the sister of the man involved in a Family Court case.
15. Letter Writer on November 7th, 2009 9:12 am 15

    Well Ashisa, I feel you shouldn’t be making assumptions about my family or his child either as you don’t have it even close to correct. My brothers daughter was 3yo when her parents split up and actually preferred her fathers company to her mothers and still does, after all it was him that got up every night since she was born to attend to her, the mother never got up at night. It was my brother that made her fritz with smiley faces on and snuck her a lolly.

    Your comments below: Excuse me, you don’t know my family or the woman involved, my brother is older and the girl younger, he wanted a quite at home life she still wanted to go out all the time. You are making huge incorrect assumptions.

    Quote: “I feel that the relationship between the couple was obviously quite bad for them and for the mum to seek another relationship. It is obvious that the father had a short fuse and very demanding if he did not get his way, however I empathise with his presentation, which to me indicates that this behaviour amounts to inappropriate interaction skills, and which resulted in security presence”.

    Your comment below: Seems you have a pretty big problem with men, good thing what you would like to see isn’t the norm

    Quote: “I would like to see that children are left with the mothers up to age ten, and that fathers have contact.

    You just toddle off to any supervised centre for a good look, its men that are held hostage there waiting to see there kids, you talk to some of them like I have and the story is the same.

    On the news this morning a woman has killed her 2yo son, so the arguement that men should be kept away from there kids because they want to hurt them is getting a bit old isn’t, there are quite a few child harm cases involving women.

    Your comment on how I’m treated at home: I’m treated just fine at home thankyou, my mother, my grandmother and myself lead our own lives and have partners, we are all strong women with our own opinions and certainly not down trodden as you suggest. We would see my brothers daughter grow to be everything SHE wants to be, a strong woman in her own right making her own choices, banging her own drum, thats the way my family views women so your incorrect again.

    Quote: explained as women and children in that particular family being treated as less than the entitlements he claims
16. Sick of ignorance on November 7th, 2009 9:19 am 16

    This is a one sided opinion, and frankly, if the courts aren’t granting the father access, then there must be some very serious and substantial allegations and factors involved that the author has conveniently ‘left out’.
    The courts aren’t stacked up against fathers. In fact, the current shared parenting laws are enforcing equal time for both parents, which often results in children being forced to spend one week with mum/one week with dad on a regular basis — even if there is PROVEN ABUSE. Mothers are being thrown in jail for trying to protect their children, if the scale had to fall either way, I would say it is currently tipped more in the father’s favour.
    Parents who have severe alcohol/drug problems, are abusive to their children OR spouses, are consistently not compliant with the law, and are a risk to their children need to have their contact rights removed, WHETHER IT IS MUM OR DAD. The statistics show that in these cases, these dangerous parents (usually, but not always, the father) are still having regular, unsupervised contact with their children, which puts the child’s safety at risk EVERY TIME. Some children are dragged kicking and screaming off for forced visits every weekend, some children threaten suicide, because current laws state that children cannot ‘choose’ who they want to live with until they are 16.
    Telling fathers to (quote) ‘go straight to your nearest lawyer and take your kids with you’ is frankly poor advice which obviously does not give any thought to how this might make a child feel. Tearing children away from their mother and out of their homes (kidnapping) is not going to solve anyone’s problem, only make it worse, let alone be extremely traumatic and distressing to the child.
    I wish mums, dads, aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters and the majority of those who work within the court system would stop thinking of themselves and start thinking of the child/children involved.
17. Letter Writer on November 7th, 2009 9:57 am 17

    No there is no serious or mysterious reason, this is just what happens. A father will get as far in the Family Law Court as there ex partner wants them too, if they have a reasonable ex then they will do fine. My brothers child runs to him jumps into his arms and bear hugs him, when she leaves she yells, love you daddy, so shes not one of the dragged kicking and screaming ones I can assure you, she doesn’t want to leave when shes with her dad. But yes there are some and yes I know what you mean but yes this is my story and its not that way, I’m well over having to defend myself and my family but I will keep doing it.

    This story IS HAPPENING OVER AND OVER AGAIN EVERY DAY IN EVERY COURT HOUSE AROUND AUSTRALIA, tell yourselves whatever you like but I’m still telling the truth.

    My advice remains the same to the fathers, take your children directly to a lawyer and start proceedings, if the mother absconds with the children, men you will go broke and mad before you see them again and also have to deal with the type of insanity listed above on this forum!!
    I cannot believe that taking a child away from there mother creates such hysteria but taking a child away from there father is just fine!!
18. Nicolette Norris on November 7th, 2009 10:02 am 18

    Dear Sad Ones
    I believe we can help each other. I too am going through an almost identical situation and understand you anguish.

    Please email me. I’m not that good at all this ‘comment’ thing. I seem to get lost in the system a lot.

    Would love to hear from you. I believe together we can make a difference and bring awareness. I thought I was the “Lone Ranger” in this saga.

    Please, any of you out there going through this feel free to email me. Maybe we could arrange a meeting somewhere and begin discussions and progress through to the powers that be together ‚to bring fairness. I am in the process of making inroads but need numbers.

    I am reluctant to give my phone number yet, but a postal address is PO Box 854,Sutherland NSW 1499.

    We need to unite and talk.

    Niki
19. Nicolette Norris on November 7th, 2009 10:18 am 19

    I failed to direct my letter above to Border Watch letter writer in particularly.

    Please contact me.
20. Letter Writer on November 7th, 2009 11:53 am 20

    Hi Nicollette
    Thankyou someone talking sense who understands, please contact the Border Watch and they will pass your contact details on to me. Your dam right I’ll help you.
21. Asisha on November 7th, 2009 6:11 pm 21

    Well I can assure the family concerned that I have been one of those people who has attended contact centers for a number of years due to the false allegations fabricated using the child to stop contact and avoid child support, and I don’t know the whole story, however, just learning of the age difference between the couple is the first issue I can see where the problem lies. What do you expect to do by marrying a young woman to an older male, you can’t expect women to be in aprons, and thongs still ironing cooking and looking after the husband.
    Women have rights, and a young woman would enjoy going out, so an older man marrying a young woman should expect that.
    Whilst I am still sensitive to your case, I have continued to hold full time work, contirbute to the child’s maintenance, pay private contact center fees, and do have family, friends and colleagues support, which makes me lucky to have such a healthy psychological space.
    Just the fact that you are ringing your brother up several times a day on a daily baiss, concerns me as he appears to be in a limited psychological space, and may require professional assistance to help him, as he may be depressed to require so much intensive family support.
    I will have concerns about leaving the little girl in his unsupervised care, as it may be risky .
    People who stay unhappy and cannot see benefits of changing their mindsets to positive outcomes, and engage positively either have serious need to control or mental illness. As people with a normal and happy disposition will be happy and get on with life and also seek appropriate assistance for sad circumstances. It is sad that the courts don’t consider ordereing help for men is unimportant, where as the number of mothers being put through trials and tests, are phenomenal.
    I totally agree that if your brother seeks appropriate help, and overcomes the trauma of the break up, and stops being critical of the young girl he married, then there is no reason he should not be able to also play an important role in his daughter’s life. Developmentally, courts and research evidence suggests that children should not be removed from their maternal cares.
    It seems like your brother needs to get some help and gather his emotions, and stay strong and positive, and also become reasonable. The age diffrence between the couple makes it extremely hard to know what stage of their life chapters thet would be at, but I am not comfortable allowing him unsupervised contact just from reading about his mental state, in the context of your own families’ support to him.
22. Letter Writer on November 7th, 2009 6:46 pm 22

    ■Asisha
    I’m gobsmacked at how your mind works.
23. Michael on November 8th, 2009 9:17 am 23

    The reason you are being subjected to this treatment is, because it is a test.
    A very thorough one, which you will pass because you are a man?

    Are you a worthy father beyond reproach? No one is, but that is the target you should approach as near as possible. That is your mission. Your challenge. Your quest.

    You’re confronted by deceptions. Counter them calmly with the truth like a man.
    You will not submit or accept them because you’re a man.
    Try to suppress the justifiable contempt you may have for the decievers.
    You’re perceptions of reality are challenged. Steady yourself. Do a reality check for yourself at least, because you’re a man.
    You’re confronted by emotive reasoning. Maintain objective calm like a man.
    You’re confronted with insanity. Surely you knew that would happen? because you’re a man! Smile at it because you’re sane. Like a man.
    You’re emotional stability is challenged. Don’t get drawn into it A man has emotions but overides them with rationality. A man is not governed by his emotions.
    Don’t be angry, be calmly assertive like a man.
    You’re confronted by malice. Keep love in you’re heart. Turn the other cheek, like the man.
    You’re self confidence may be in tatters. You can rebuild it because you’re a man.
    You will not be ground down because you’re a man.
    Maintain and display male virtues.

    You must remain calm, and strong in body, mind and soul, like a man, because this is what you’re child deserves and expects.
    You’re child will respect you, because you respect yourself like a man.

    Make time to play, enjoy and indulge yourself as well, because you’re a man.
    lol.

    What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. True, because I feel very strong now.

    It nearly killed me! Never going to put myself in that vulnerable possition again?

    It was the extreme insanity and the multiple surprise assault that had me reeling in shock. I expect it now so at least no surprises. Bring it on, I’m ready?

    I must repeat:–

    You must remain calm, and strong in body, mind and soul, like a man, because this is what you’re child deserves and expects.
    You’re child will respect you, because you respect yourself like a man.

    Hope it helps?

    Michael.
24. peaceful on November 8th, 2009 9:32 am 24

    I am really sad to hear your story. I have to say though that it is not mothers that go about things this way. I am a woman that had to fight in court for 2 years to get my children back just to have my ex walk away and no longer sees his children. I see on a lot of forums bagging out women for not letting men see their children etc. I honestly am saddened that people have to go through with this but with that said there are some good honest women like myself who will do anything to encourage a relationship with the children and their father. In my case my ex was just using our children as a tool in a fight against me and when he didnt win his fight he then had no reason to have contact with his children. So we have to remember that although there are a lot of women out there that do not let their ex see the children there are just as many men if not more that do not take responsibility for their children .…… no wonder both sexes are so bitter!!!
25. dave the slave on November 8th, 2009 2:08 pm 25

    Family law certainly IS stacked against fathers, and more particularly against children. Some years ago now i went for custody of my own daughter, my battle took me almost 3 years. The ex had self admitted mental problems [ since diagnosed as bi-polar], she would constantly abuse and put down our daughter on a daily basis, she was leaving our daughter alone often all day and all night while she was out at pubs and parties from the age of 5. Our daughter often had to hide in the house to avoid being hit when her mother flew into one of her violent rages. Our daughter was missing up to 5 weeks of school every term. Our daughter was often left in the care of complete strangers [ drop kicks and drunks her mother had picked up at the pub] for hours at a time while she went out. Our daughter would often ring up her maternal grandmother complaining that she was hungry and that her mother had been gone all day. The ex would often have 3 – 4 men a night at her place doing you know what. She tried to alienate my daughter from me, and threatened and intimidated our daughter to keep quiet about what was going on. She broke every court order placed on her including those placed on her to protect our daughters welfare many times and the court did nothing. I had no history of mental problems, no criminal history and the woman across the road from me who is a JP,sherrifs officer and former acting magistrate, who has worked with neglected children, made several statements to the court regarding my good character and what she knew of the abuse and neglect my daughter was being subjected to by her mother. They just didn’t care and my daughter was made to live in that situation for 3 years. The only reason i got custody was because one night my daughter walked from her mothers house to my house in the pouring rain and knocked on my door begging me to do something as her mother had left her alone again for the umpteenth time [ i had been trying for 3 years], and SHAMED them into doing something.
    When i got custody of my daughter she was underweight and in poor health, she had a foul mouth and a bad attitude, she was unable to do even basic tasks like wash herself or tell the time, her scalp was covered with dirt and scale and obviously hadn’t been washed for months, she was unable to do even basic maths, not even her times tables, she was unable to read or write even basic words, she did the year 3 basic skills test, finished bottom in the school and was placed in a special class for slow children, she was 8 years old. This was the broken child i was given courtesy of her mother and our so called family law system. I was to spend the next 10 years mending the damage done to my daughter after 3 years spent with her mother. The enormous cost of my court battle drove me to the point of bankruptcy as a result i was unable to give my daughter many of the things her peers had but i was able to give her all the important things. Things like love, the discipline and guidance of a loving father, a decent education and a home free of abuse and neglect in which to grow and flourish, all things beyond price and all things that the family court placed absolutely no value on.
    2 years on she finished 4th in the school after doing the year 5 basic skills test, this didn’t come about by accident, i spent hours every night teaching her myself. A further 2 years on having done the year 7 basic skills test i received a letter that she was on a list for a class for GIFTED AND TALENTED children. She finished 3rd out of over 80 students when she finished high school with a TER mark well in the 80s. She is currently doing a psychology degree at university and consistently achieving distinctions and high distinctions for her work.
    Life is pretty good for me now but i will never forget the awfull time and discrimination i and my daughter were subjected to by a family court and its social worker minions which almost detroyed both our lives.
26. Calista on November 8th, 2009 3:15 pm 26

    My heart goes out to you. I understand what you are experiencing.

    The judiciary in Australia is in a critical state, particularly in the area of Family law such that the practice of law in this country is unethical. We know this just by what we hear and read and see in judgements of court cases how the law has been misapplied. I also know this from personal experience.

    Perjury is acceptable in the Family Courts. I have experienced every kind of allegation against me none of which were tested in the court. Instead the person making the allegations were believed. My experience has taught me that Judges and Magistrates are not interested in knowing where the truth lies. Instead they just seem to want to get the case over and done with as quickly as possible. They achieve this by prejudging cases and running then to fit their preconceived ideas, interrupting parties so that one side in particular does not get a chance to present their case and be heard.

    The Family Law Act 1975 revolves around Family Breakdown.
    Family breakdown does not give one parent more rights than another, and children are not pawns to be used as weapons in family conflict.
    Parents do not have rights but parental responsibilities, and that is to ensure their child’s needs are being met.
    A child needs both it’s parents, their mother and father, and others such as their extended family who are significant to their care welfare and development. Research supports these relationships to the child as important to the development of the child’s neurobiological pathways.

    To deny a child their birthright to have a relationship with a parent, a grandparent, or other significant person is outright CHILD ABUSE.

    The Family Report in my family law matter shocked me. It was full of fabrications, lies and distortions. It was outrageous and defamatory and it injured me. The Family Report writer just wrote randomly whatever popped into mind to defame and discredit me, supporting the other side. The Family Report was blantantly bias.

    Individuals who falsify family reports are known as “hired guns” and it is essential they are reported to the relevant Registration Board. I did this with the Family Report writer in my case who is now under investigation by the NSW Psychologists Registration Board, and the Health Care Complaints Commission.

    Professionals have a “duty of care” as well as a code of conduct they should abide by. To not do this is unethical, malpractice.

    I believe Social Workers are registered, so there must be a board that hears complaints about them. They are accountable for what they say in their report.

    You can make a complaint to the Court, although you may not get far, but worth a try although it got me nowhere doing that. The Courts just ignored it, passed the buck thinking that it might get dealt in another way, which it did not.

    Family Reports in a lot of cases are harmful, and in some cases serve no purpose but to seriously harm a party causing psychological injury, not to mention damage to the children!

    There is a move to get rid of them, “Family Reports” they are useless and unnecessary in family law matters but this is going to take some time. They serve only to inflame the situation as I have experienced.
27. Asisha on November 8th, 2009 7:52 pm 27

    Congratulations to the father who won the battle, and helped his daughter. It is a shame he did not pick out these traits in the mother of his child before he married her. They say relationships determine individual outcomes, and it seems like the mother’s mental illness was an important contributor to her behaviour, and what is described appears relevant to untreated bipolar disorders. There is a lot of prejudice against people with mental illnesses, so we need to be mindful of prejudicing them further.

    Report writers..I would have to say..they are major stakeholders, and often misinterpret and do a lot of damage to parents and children. Sections of the law in the family law Act gives them immunity to say what they want. I agree they are misused by the courts, and if they are all in the same boys club, then in the very adversarial system endorse each others unconscionalbe biases on the parents and children. The courts often use the reports to cover themselves, and we should fight to have the report writers to be held accountable, as much as holding courts accountable and aim to stop perjury and fabrications.

    There are good and bad parents, and help is needed, not courts to find solutions.
28. dave the slave on November 9th, 2009 4:43 pm 28

    Asisha. My daughter came about as a result of a one night stand, i never married her as it quickly became apparent that she had problems, however i did live with her for almost 5 years and put up with abuse and infidelity like you wouldn’t believe all for the sake of our daughter. If you want to know what it was like, try talking to people who have lived with a partner with bi-polar disorder. There are just as many women who marry men despite knowing that they have problems with violence or alcohol etc. You stated in a previous post that children should stay with their mothers until age 10, i ask you what damage would a further 2 years spent with her mother have done to our daughter given the terrible state she was already in after 3 years. I can assure you many fathers are very capable of being a primary caregiver to a young child. When i was living with the mother, despite working, it was i who looked after much of the bottle feeding as her mother had no patience at all and indeed on one occasion my daughter was put in hospital suffering from de-hydration because her mother wasn’t feeding her. It was i who changed many nappies and toilet trained our daughter. It was i who taught our daughter to feed herself, with her mother screaming in my ear “don’t do that she’ll make a FU@#$NG mess. It was i who would read her a bedtime story and put her to sleep. Her mother spent most of the time lying around and doing nothing. Yet when we split up it was she who was seen as the primary caregiver and got custody, go figure.
    The sad fact is that just as in my case, many children are left with mothers with mental health issues and a PROVEN track record of child neglect and abuse, even if there is a father who is perfectly capable of caring for the child, often with tragic consequences. It must be said that my ex had a mental illness to account for her behaviour, what possible excuse could the social workers, child psychologists and judges have to explain their behaviour in leaving a child in that situation for so long. You mention a boys club, i would suggest to you that the family law system is very much a girls club, despite seeing a number of child psychologists, social workers and family assessment writers, every single one was female and all recommended that my daughter live with her mother despite a mountain of evidence of abuse and neglect from individuals,the school she attended, police reports and even Families SA’s own crisis care workers. What possible excuse could the man hating social worker on my case have for telling a father that his child doesn’t have the rights of a dog and sending a letter to a father saying they were taking his child off their AT RISK list only a week after they had to get the police to drag her drunken mother out of the pub at 4.00am and escort her home to look after her child, and then still recommending that the child continue to live with the mother. It’s disgusting, and at least in my own case ALL the workers involved were female. I am at pains to point out that i don’t hate all women, my daughter is now a young woman in her own right, i have just become engaged to a lovely woman and i got a lot of support from a number of good women/mothers during my court battle many of who couldn’t believe what i and my daughter had to go through. What i do hate is a system that is almost totally biased against fathers, and those women/mothers who use the system for purely selfish reasons, almost always to the detriment of their children. And yes you are definitely right when you say that courts must stamp out perjury and fabrications, they must also, as a matter of urgency address any cases of non compliance with court orders, especially those placed on a parent to protect a childs welfare, this was certainly not done in my ex’s case with the inevitable results. Everyone involved in our so called family law system from the judges right down to the parents themselves MUST be made accountable for their actions.
29. Asisha on November 9th, 2009 5:51 pm 29

    Dave, look I am not saying that your actions to taking control and assuming responsibility for your daughter is uncommnedable. I actually work with mentally ill, and I just don’t think it is fair to prejudice and stigmatise people with mental illness. What I am expecting is that you will be blaming the illness and not the mother, if you had truly attempted to understand the illness, and yes I agree, it is probably very challenging to live with someone if they are not getting the right treatment.
    I guess you learnt through your own expereinces, that “one night stands” does produce children, and if men became a little bit more responsible and respected themselves and women, then perhaps, we could look at producing a different kind of society, and give our children hope and meaning. It is so common for people to meet art the pub and end up in the sack irresponsibly.

    I would like to see that the gender gap is closed, and it is good that we can all engage in this conversations, so that we can learn from each other and also find solutions.

    The current laws are in favour of the fathers, and the devastating and tragic outcome sin many cases since 2006, has called for mothers and maternal instincts to step in and take charge. You sound a bit like a lawyer, about doing simple and normal things to help your baby girl, knowing that her mother had mental illness, and I am hoping that you are encouraging a relationship for your daughter with her mother. Your daughter studying psychology says to me tha tshe is trying to understand her identity and self, and wants to be loved by both parents. He rcloser bonding with her mother would allow her to heal and accept her feminity and to progress in life to optimise her own achievements in relationships, profession and personal goals.

    I can assure you that the boys club culture is so bad, that women working in these systems almost behave like them too, as to avoid punitive treament and humiliation by the boys. I have come acroos some of these women too, there is the truth, and then there is the reports, they become a cog in the wheel of a failing system, and adopt bad practices and the culture of a system, organised to serve the favoured.

    You should know as a man that mums are indispensible to children, how many times do you find animals abandoning their kids to father’s, children need that maternal psychological safety, and currently, family law and certain polarised views are diminshing the role of women and mothers.
    How about we try and understand each others genders and redefine roles and responsibilities, and also help shape outcomes for children, through the review of the systems in place? We need to have the confidence to be able to do that.

    Finally, there is nothing wrong with women drinking or socialising like men always did, the world for women is changing and they are asserting themselves, but to prejudice a mother with mental illness, will be improper.

    Do you think men could take some responsibility and not go for the one night stands? I mean how much of it we have seen men doing the one night stuff in the media, the sporting heroes and so on, why dont they set up a better standard and stop treating women like they do? What has happened to the old style love? Like dating getting to know each other, and await in anticipation, because it helps to get to know each other and also connect emotionally before jumping in the sack? Do you think Australian men can change this culture amongst the boys?
30. dave the slave on November 10th, 2009 4:24 pm 30

    Asisha. How can you possibly say that the current laws are in favour of fathers when in almost 90% of contested custody cases the mother is given custody. How can you possibly say it is a boys club when 80 – 90% of social workers, child psychologists and mediators are female, in many branches of relationships australia there are no males at all, what you are saying is ridiculous and flies in the face of these figures and i challenge you to prove these figures wrong. All through my custody battle despite the attempts of her mother to discredit and alienate me i always told my daughter that it was not her mothers fault and it was her mothers mental illness which was causing her behaviour. In the end even my 8 year old daughter was able to see what the family law system either could not or refused to see.In addition to bringing up my daughter on my own, i also looked after my elderly father at home for quite some time and he had a range of problems including dementia and parkinsons disease, so i know a little about mental illness, in fact i am currently doing a certificate 3 aged care course with a view to gaining employment in disability where my fiancee works.
    You talk about the tragic outcomes since 2006, much has been made of sad case of darcy freeman yet only 6 months previously a mother jumped off the very same bridge killing her child and when it came up for trial she didn’t get 1 day in jail apart from the time she had already spent, the judge saying she was depressed. Only last year in adelaide a mother was in court after shaking her youngest child to death the judge still awarded her custody of her other children saying she might become depressed if separated from them, how is this possibly in the best interests of the child. Its all very well saying we should not stigmatise people with mental illness, but if that means leaving children in the care of mothers with mental illness then it is just as wrong as leaving a child with an abusive father and has just as tragic consequences as those you mentioned. Why is it that there is a register of abusive and violent fathers, yet there is no register of abusive, violent and neglecting mothers or even a check if they have mental health issues. Since you are employed in the mental health field why are you not looking at the mental health of fathers who have had their children ripped from their lives, and the number who slide into depression and suicide or don’t we count. The ratio of male/female suicide is 5 – 1 and they are certainly not all farmers ravaged by the drought.
    T he sad fact is that despite the fact that it was i who was being subjected to abuse, if i had taken off with my daughter to escape i would have been hunted down and probably charged with kidnapping, while if a mother does it ‚even if she is just bored with her partner she is given subsidised housing and all the perks, child support and a pension etc.and free legal aid Why is it that the ex [the abuser] was given all the free legal aid while i had to shell out tens of thousands of dollars.
    I would venture to suggest that i know my own daughter a little better than you do. I have always supported her whatever she wanted to be and she at various stages also wanted to be a vet a marine biologist, and a journalist. I believe that my daughter has decided to do psychology to try and make a difference to the system that failed her so miserably. She has already seen the hand of the feminists which run our universities at work, and the anti male ideals they espouse, and she is less than impressed and can already see WHY the sysyem failed her.Only early this year she came to me saying that if she went on and did her PHD that the subject matter would be what she went through as a child. I have not co-erced her into this she knows exactly what went on, how could she not know when she bore the brunt of all the bad decisions made by the family court and its minions for 3 years. You suggest that i should encourage a relationship with her mother but i wonder if you would be so quick to encourage a child to have a relationship with its father if the father had done the things the ex did to my daughter, methinks not.
    As regards one night stands, why is it always the man that is to blame, it takes 2 to tango. You talk about the need for men to become more responsible and have more respect for themselves and women but you make no mention of the need for women to respect men and themselves. I live in a mid sized country town and several times during the year sporting teams will come up from the city for a coaching clinic or a trial game of football etc. You should go down to our local hotels when this happens and see the number of young women attending whichever hotel the teams may be drinking at and see the way they dress, drink and throw themselves at these sportsmen, yet its always the man that is to blame, why is it that men should respect these women when they have absolutely no respect for themselves. Why is it that one gender seems to have all the rights while the other has all the responsibilities.
31. dave the slave on November 10th, 2009 5:58 pm 31

    Asisha. I note with interest your mention of the need to understand each others genders, and redefine roles and responsibilities and i heartily agree that it is necessary especially given the changing dynamics of our society, and in particular societal norms regarding families. Unfortunately while the feminist movement has fought for and made huge gains in general during the past 40 years, they steadfastly refuse to give fathers more rights with their children. I too would like to close the gender gap, but certain feminist groups are making this impossible and children like mine seem to be collateral damage and just pawns which are to be sacrificed on the altar of feminism.. As regards old style love, that is exactly what i have now with my fiancee, AND ITS LOVELY. I only ever had 2 one night stands, one of which resulted in my daughter and i can assure you both were initiated by the woman.
32. Asisha on November 10th, 2009 7:36 pm 32

    Hi again,
    Actually, the family law needs to be overhauled to protect children from any form of abuse. My experiences have been with an all male team, and I am very much aware of the boys club culture that can destroy a child’s life, and those women working in it also join the club for survival, it has happened to many women going through family court. I can quote you a survey people carried out by the National Peak Body for safety and protection of parents and children, and the stories told by parents was devastating. Currently children are not protected. The people that counselled and supported me were all good and decent males who could see the hardship and struggle the child and I were put under. As for the ratio of statisitics of suicide, it does not mean that those who commit suicide do so for the parental reasons, sometimes it is pure selfishness to punish the mother, and often they tend to take the children’s lives with them, and also in the dismally failing system of major stakeholders. Some mothers also do so too, except that they suffer the impact of domestic violence, psychological abuse in an abusive realtionship with men, and it is in every walk of life, not just farmers suffering draught,
    I can assure you that I have supported my child’s relationship with her father, and although a very abusive man, I understand that he has a complex personality, and for me to move on and get on with my own life, I empathise and show compassion towards the terrible personality that person lives with, forever playing games, lying and controlling everything in the child’s life, and stopping all contact. The aggressors are men, not women, women are just a product of male treatement of the females over the years. Men need to set a standard for themselves first, and foremost to change some of the behaviours you described of females. Men are not forced to have one night stands or the sporting heroes to engage in group sex, that is disgusting. Australia as I understand has highest number of peodohiles, all taking advantage of people in Asia and on the home soil. That is not i think what we are conversing about, I believe the family law system can improve, and I maintain that children should know both their parents. If one suffers from mental illness and poses a risk to the child then this should be dealt with properly. False accusations or unaccountable reports must be challenged and the report writers held accountable as much as the family law system. Feminist movement was necessary, to give women a voice and credibility in society, and they are still struggling to have their rights respected. There are very few executives appointed to women’, so it still is very much a man’s world out there, and feminism is good, because, it is now the women that are wanting to protect the children, because motherhood to a child is their god given right. May be society should redefine values and morals, and also take control of the way family law is adminsitered. I dont think the argument should be about men v women, but bringing the genders together, and including social skills and relationships in the school curricular, to reduce tragedies and traumas.
    In all honesty, the culture of drunkenness, one night stands, etc needs to change. Maybe people should consider having a some sort of contract on paper before forming any form of relationship with each other, so they also could be held accountable, as there are people who really think they can get away with telling lies and bulshit themselves into getting in the sack. Whilst you may be one of the innocent guys, I still feel that you are a bit harsh toward the mothe rof your child, and conitnue to see her mnetal illness as a problem. A man’s worth is defined by how much he is capable of treating his woman right, not the other way round. WOmne just want to protect their children from abuse and harm, as many fathers do. Not all men or women are bad, maybe we need to change our outlook, and be empathic and say, well some people have weaknesses and how can we help them to be better parents to children. Regardless of the argument, children need their mothers in the early years of their lives as it is very natural thing for human babies, and I also accept that they need to see their fathers, as this wil only help the child, but only if it is abuse and domestic violence free. I maintain that motherhood is non negotiable to a child’s development, as much as father’s involvement. These days a lot of men want to avoid child support and stay aty home on social security, I think all parents need to work and not rely on the tax payers to pay for their keep. Child support doesnot discriminate, as women pay exactly the same amount as men, and have exactly same conditions, I have noticed that a lot of mothers want to return to work whereas a lot of men give up work and do the runner to avoid child support, as they cant see that their contribution is towards the child’s welbeing. So no I want to deal with issues and problems, not have the men and women fighting with each other foolishly, we need to band together and fight the systems, as well as acknowledge, admit and find solutions to our problems, and I am confident it can be done. There should be more respect towards each other, and children, zero tolerance for domestic violence, child abuse and so on.
33. dave the slave on November 11th, 2009 3:53 pm 33

    Asisha.Yes, the family law system certainly does need to be completely overhauled to protect children from abuse. But it must be done with regard to what is truly in the best interests of the child. Women/mothers must be made as accountable for their abuse and neglect just as much as men/fathers are, and at present this is not being done. As in my case many parents [ mostly mothers as it is mothers who get custody in 85 – 90% of cases] are completely ignoring family court orders, including those designed to protect the childs wellbeing, and getting away with it with ABSOLUTELY no repercussions, often with the inevitable tragic results. My experiences in the family court was with an ALL FEMALE team, and i was very aware of the womens/mothers club culture. In my work as a fitter/foreman on the railways some years ago i had a female engineer as a boss and i gotta tell ya she was as good as any of the male engineers at her job. Feminists have been calling for mandatory equal representations on company boards and in our political organisations regardless of ability, i wonder if they would also support mandatory equal representation in child custody and in all areas of the family law system :-eg, social workers, child psychologists, mediators etc. Methinks not. Yes in many areas it is still a boys club but this is changing, i challenge you to peruse the make up of executives and company boards, compare them to say 15 – 20 years ago and tell me that the number of women hasn’t increased very significantly. Have a look at parliamentary question time and see the number of female MP’s on your screen. Both major parties now have a female deputy leader and the current government has at least 3 women on its front bench, unthinkable 15 – 20 years ago. Unfortunately family law hasn’t kept pace with the changes in our society which are a natural consequence of these changes in societal dynamics.
    As regards the culture of drunkeness and one night stands are concerned, yes it does need to change. You seem to think that its all mens fault but have a look around you and see the numbers of single mothers with 3÷4÷5 children all to different fathers, there are dozens of them even in my own small town, arn’t they just as accountable. They could have said NO too ya know yet they keep on doing the same thing. Only the other day i saw a woman down the street, she was a freind of my ex when i was going for custody, she asked how my daughter was going, when i told her, her jaw dropped about 2 feet, when i asked her how her daughter[who went to school with mine] was going her reply was that she had 2 children already and was expecting another i believe all to different fathers and she is only 20, this girls own mother was also a single mother herself with 3 children all to different fathers. When my daughter finished school 7 students went on to university, 6 were from traditional 2 parent families and my daughter was the ONLY one who came from a single parent family despite around 15 of her peers coming from single mother families, my daughter was the only one with a single father.I wonder if you would be so dismissive of the ratio of male/female suicides if it were reversed. I support my daughters relationship with her mother now but i was unable to do so when she was only a young child as to do so [ given her mothers propensity to violent rages, and neglect etc, you are wrong its not always the men who are the aggressors] would have put my daughters safety in jeapordy, in the end she only got supervised access once a fortnight, [still no less than many fathers get ]. This was necessary to protect my child and i would agree that the same thing should be done to a father IF he was abusing his own child. You talk about the men who sit on the dole to avoid child support what about all the mothers on the pension many of whom minimise the fathers contact with his child to MAXIMISE the child support they recieve. I paid over $10.000 in child support when the ex had custody and all i got to show for it when i got custody was a few clothes and toys which could have been bought from the local op shop for $20. I then had to start over again with nothing but a pile of debt. Why was it that the ex could afford to go out to the pubs and parties 6 – 7 nights a week while i was lucky to be able to afford to go out once a fortnight despite the fact that i was actually working. When i got custody of course SHE was only paying me the princely sum of $5 p/w.
    I don’t know what your own story is although you have heard much of mine, you mention that you had a number of male friends who supported you during your own troubles, this should tell you that most men ARE good people and do care about children. As i previously mentioned i had a large number of women who helped and supported me during my own trouble and they certainly cared about my own daughter. It seems we are not that much different as regards the reasons we are here debating these matters and i would agree with much of what you say as regards much needed changes to the family law system Unfortunately we have experienced things from opposite sides of the fence and as a consequence seem rather polarised in our views on other matters. Don’t quite know how this can be overcome.
    My daughter is currently going through uni very much on a shoestring as the enormous cost of my court battle has meant that i am unable to help her much. I will leave you with the fathers day card i got this year it reads as follows:-
    Dear Dad.
    I’m sorry i couldn’t afford to buy you a present this year but i hope this letter will mean more to you than any gift ever could. This year has made me realise how much you mean to me and how much different my life would be if you were no longer here. When you went in for the operation [ i had open heart surgery to replace a heart valve ] i couldn’t help but think of all the things you would miss if you didn’t pull through. Without you i would never have made it to where i am today and more than anyone i want you at my graduation, it will be as much your achievement as mine. If you hadn’t fought for me and made all the sacrifices you did who knows where i’d be. I want you to be there when i get married to walk me down the aisle. If i have children some day i want them to know you, i want you to love them and encourage them to follow their dreams as you did for me. Words can’t describe how truly devastated i’d be if you missed any of these things. I also can’t express how happy i am that you have finally found D, you deserve a happily ever after. I hope you have an awesome fathers day.
    Love .S.
    All the money in the world couldn’t buy this gift from my daughter, yet if the family law system had,had their way it would never have been. What can we do about it.
34. Raginvald on November 11th, 2009 5:27 pm 34

    The real tragedy in many of these comments is that men and women who have suffered similar injustices in the Family Courts are pitted against each other when they actually have a common cause of combatting those injustices. That is far preferable to comparing horror stories from the Court system.
    The basic problem is that the Family Law Act 2006 is fundamentally flawed which allows the unscrupulous to maipulate and abuse the law for mischievous, malicious, and monetary reasons. It is secondly flawed in that it gives only token regard to the rights of children — to have their views considered in the proceedings and to be protected from harm. As it stands the FLA promotes the rights of parents — the right to contact and the right to a ‘meaningful relationship with the child (whatever that means). Children’s views are filtered through a lawyer and a Reporter, many of whom don’t bother to talk with the child or have just a 15 minute interview. That is an abuse of the child’s rights. Many of these lawyers and Reporters view the parental right to contact and a meanie relationship as sacrosanct, paramount, and supreme and somehow have formed the bizarre notion that it is ALWAYS in the child’s interests to have contact with parents, no matter how toxic or dangerous that parent may be. In conseuence, many judicial decisions are downright irrational, bizarre, and idiosyncratic and it makes you wonder how these Judges and Magistrates are appointed when they have so little knowledge of human relationships and children’s needs.!!!. A girl of 15 yrs is raped and decides to keep the child after learning she is pregnant — but the rapist/pedophile applies for and is granted contact which involves the mother having to take the child to the prisonb to see him where he is serving a long term of imprisonment and she must again regularly face her attacker. Or the parent with convictions for violence, a known drug dealer, and long term mental patient is granted residency of a small female child. Judges who disregard clear evidence of domestic violence, criminality, and mental illness and just dismiss it as infighting between disputing partners. These are not uncommon decisions in the family courts and there are many hundreds more like them — just look at some of the cases on Austlii.
    The Law must be changed to give paramountcy and precedence to the needs, wishes, and rights of children, and parents should only be granted residency and contact if they are adjudged to be a fit parent and a risk assessment is carried out on those parents who are toxic and dangerous to children by the evidence of their past conduct. If this is not done, then more children will die and more children will suffer abuses throughout their childhood, as so many now are from Court-Ordered Abuse. Family Courts are not the solution to children’s problems of unsuitable parenting, the Courts are a significant part of the problem.
35. ash patil on November 13th, 2009 1:36 pm 35

    Your brother is not alone.

    Please contact fathers4equality or simply use our resources on our website.

    http://www.fathers4equality-australia.org

    …because children need their fathers too!
36. Zaney on November 13th, 2009 2:00 pm 36

    Is there anyone out there, male or female, willing to meet where possible and begin discussions to bring some commonsense and bring parties together for the child’s sake? Maybe even write new proposals for the government.

    Is this possible — where do we all live? I’m willing to meet and talk. Is anyone else? I don’t know how to go about this but it’s frustrating just reading about bickering and horrible experiences with no one asking to talk. this is a waste of time until we are prepared to write proposals to change things. Many of you complain the law needs changing — are you writing any proposals or are you simply going to continueoing getting it off your chest for the time being.

    I believe that in a lot of your cases, discussions can help. Your not all radical feminists or radical mennists?!

    All who wish to meet — hands up!

    Help me start  — I live south of Sydney. Maybe we can begin something here. Not just a men’s group — not just women, but all of us trying to bring some harmony for the child to grow up in.
37. dave the slave on November 13th, 2009 4:31 pm 37

    Zaney.
    You are exactly right we are not all radical feminists or meninists!!!. The unfortunate fact is that both sides have their own tragic experiences and that is why so many of these discussions are polarised especially when the emotive issue of child protection is involved.. I believe a great deal of this can be laid FIRMLY at the feet of the family law courts, social workers and in particular the parasites in the system which do their utmost to keep both sides going at each other and do their best to make as much money as they can out of other peoples misery THE LAWYERS. Good luck with it all whoever you are. Unfortunately i live a long way from you, in south australia otherwise i would certainly be in it.
38. Letter Writer on November 13th, 2009 6:32 pm 38

    Dave the Slave — We are going to get together in SA either Mt Gambier or Adelaide, if you are interested in being included, or if anyone else is please give your details to the borderwatch to pass onto us and we will contact you.
39. Raginvald on November 13th, 2009 7:34 pm 39

    Ash Patil — ‘children need fathers”. How naive and irresponsible!. Children need fathers who are reasonable and responsible and interested in their care and welfare and are not simply seeking to evade financial responsibilities by having their child for 35% of the time.. They do not need fathers who are toxic and dangerous to their safety and welfare, as so many psychologists, psychiatrists, Court Reporters, and Independent Children’s Lawyers seem to believe and are constantly telling Courts although many of those professionals have no idea of the basic needs of children. Such ‘professionals’ are largely to blame for putting children in abusive situations and why so many children have been killed by dangerous fathers. The Best Interests of children are to be safe, secure, and protected from harm — that is their primary need and their fundamental human right as determined in the U.N. Charter of Children’s Rights, which again few if any, of those ‘professionals’ have bothered to read.
40. Ash patil on November 13th, 2009 8:07 pm 40

    To ragivald

    You should not generalise. Your comments are simply sexist.
41. dave the slave on November 13th, 2009 11:33 pm 41

    Ragivald
    Children do not need toxic and dangerous mothers either. The so called professionals also forced my daughter to live with an violent,abusive and neglecting mother for 3 years. Children are being killed at 3 times the rate by their mothers or mums new BF than by biological fathers. In view of this then perhaps we should say that children needing mothers is also naive and irresponsible. Why are you only mentioning children being killed by dangerous FATHERS. When a child is killed by its mother the old mental health card is always played. What about the mental health of fathers who have had their children taken from their lives. We arn’t all violent fathers but we all seem to be tarred with the same brush by people like you, while most abusing and neglecting mothers are seen as NEEDING HELP its pathetic and children are dying because of it.. In 85 – 90% of cases the courts are placing the children with the mother therefore the courts must also be placing thousands of children in the care of violent, abusing and neglecting mothers who are seen as the primary care giver just as they did with my own daughter.
42. Raginvald on November 14th, 2009 6:09 am 42

    My comment was on your bland and generalised, sexist statement — ‘children need fathers’. The Family Court system has become a feeding frenzy for psychologists, psychiatrists, Family Reporters, lawyers, mediators etc etc to make money from disputing parents. Cases can last for 16 years without resolution and many parents have been bankrupted by the costs. Money and greed is driving the whole system and it has become a gravy train for the ‘professionals’ involved. How many psychologists/psychiatrists jumped in to use the now discredited PAS as a readymade tool to throw into courtrooms?. How many of them have since been disciplined for misuse of such a junk-science based and pedophile created theory?. How many have been subjected to legal proceedings for giving misleading evidence to Courts?. How many psychologists/ psychiatrists have given evidence to Courts dismissing allegations of child abuse as false, when they have neither training nor experience in the competent investigation of child abuse and such evidence is outside of their area of expertise?. And of telling Judges that a history of domestic violence, criminal behaviours, mental illness, and drug/alcohol abuse by parents are of no consequence when considering issues of residency and contact and should be disregarded!. Of course these are merely a handful of those who want to continue with the present Family Laws and to oppose any changes, in case any new system reduces their lucrative incomes. And of course they want to encourage the Gender Wars to continue because if parents who are manipulated into disputes were to suddenly agree and see that it is the system they should be fighting in a common cause, rather than each other, then the system will loose out. This is not an issue about fathers or mothers, but about safeguarding and protecting children from Court-ordered abuse!.
43. Raginvald on November 14th, 2009 9:20 am 43

    Dave the Rave – I mentioned children killed by dangerous fathers because I was responding to the statements of the original writer who mentioned fathers and is a known Father’s Rights activist. I am well aware that the abuse and killing of children is not a gender issue and parents of both genders can be the perpetrators, but your statistics are the highly dubious statistical propaganda bandied about by the Father’s Rights Groups (Note — ‘Father’s Rights’ and no concern for children rights and needs) and which are not supported by independent and governmental research over the last decade. If events occurred as you describe them in your case, then as you rightly say, it is the ‘professionals’ and the Courts which should be held to account for not protecting your child – fuelling the Gender Wars debate just detracts from placing the responsibility and accountability for endangering the lives of children where it correctly belongs. Children are treated by the Family Law and the Courts as mere possessions and ‘Goods and Chattels” to be divided up as the Court sees fit because paramountcy is given to parental rights to residency and contact and a ‘meaningful relationship’ when either or both may be unsuitable parents and the child is not consulted or their wishes and feelings are disregarded. Merely supplying sperm or an egg is taken as the simplistic definition of parenthood when responsible parenthood is far, far greater. The law pays only a token regard to the rights of children to be protected from harm and to have a say in decisions affecting their lives. The same attittudes of adults and adultism prevail in the Family Court system towards children, as prevailed when the Stolen Generation were removed and when children were transported here from Britain and subjected to abuse and forced labour – a callous and uncaring attittude towards their safety and wellbeing and which is leading to another generation of children who are abused and exploited. There is an urgent need for children to be respected and valued by the Family Court system and for their rights to be enforced. Instead of protesting about human rights abuses abroad and the rights of refugees and asylum seekers, the government should be examining the human rights abuses which children are being subjected to within this country. The Family Law (and its administration by Courts) is actually stacked against children!.
44. dave the slave on November 14th, 2009 9:54 am 44

    Raginvald.
    I think you should learn to read properly. There was nothing in Mr Patil’s statement which was sexist. He did NOT just say ” children need fathers”. What he said was “children need fathers too”, by implication that means children need fathers as well as mothers. Yet as is the norm with people like yourself, you have tried to twist his statement around to your own advantage by not quoting what was actually said, READ THE POST. There were plenty of sexist comments in your reply though. “FATHERS seeking to evade their financial responsibilities”. What about the mothers who seek to minimise the contact with the childs father solely to maximise the child support they receive. “FATHERS who are toxic and dangerous to the children’s welfare”. What about toxic and dangerous mothers like the mother of my own child. “So many children have been killed by dangerous FATHERS”, What about the number of children killed by their mothers who are killing their children at double the rate of fathers, and if you include mums new BF, at 3 times the rate. Also enshrined in the UN charter of the rights of the child you mention is that children have the right to free association with BOTH biological parents, yet true to form you have only cherry picked that part of the charter which suits your own agenda’s and ignored the rest. Perhaps it is you who needs to read it properly. People like you are just as complicit in encouraging the GENDER WARS as any of the lawyers etc you mention, because as long as you seek to blame only fathers for the damage done to our children there will always be fathers like me who have seen their own childrens lives destroyed by the childs mother and our so called family law system.
    There is nothing much wrong with the shared parenting laws introduced in 2006. The law very plainly states that 50/50 shared care should be considered except when one or the other of the parents represents a danger to the childs welfare or is otherwise incapable of nurturing the child. The message enshrined in the legislation is very plain, very clear and very fair. If you think it is not then i must once again call into question whether you are more interested in the rights of the mother or the rights of the child. What is wrong is the way many judges INTERPRET AND ACT on the laws, This is the REAL reason why children are being forced into contact with violent and abusive fathers and why children are being placed in the primary care of violent abusive and neglecting mothers.
45. dave the slave on November 14th, 2009 10:22 am 45

    Raginvoid.
    You mention the statistics as being highly dubious, despite the fact that they were compiled by a government child protection agency, london to a brick you would accept them if they conformed to your own agendas though. Perhaps you should be asking why other states are refusing to release their own statistics even under FOI requests and who is responsible for the withholding of this information. Fathers rights groups have been calling for and want to see these figures released so who does that leave. Speaking of fathers rights, why is it that when women/mothers fight for their rights it is seen as acceptable to you, but when fathers fight for theirs, it is not. There is a name for that, it starts with a B.
46. Ash Patil on November 14th, 2009 11:53 am 46

    Raginvoid,

    As already mentioned by dave, my comment was that “children need father too!”

    This is inclusive of mothers.

    I don’t think it is appropriate for you to be misquoting me.

    In any case maybe you should take a step back and have a think about how your comments are being perceived. You are not coming across as being of an open mind, nor of being child focussed.

    I am not saying that this is who you are, just how your words sound.

    In any case, your denigrating comments are not doing this debate any good. Gender profiling is simply not on, and this is the case whether you apply it to males or females.

    We are all the same after all, whether we are male or female.

    If you start off with this premise, then maybe we can find some common ground, as we both profess to be focussed on our children’s best interests.

    **“Sole custody — the highest risk environment for child abuse in Australia” [Dept of Child Protection, WA].

    http://www.f4e.com.au/equalparenting/fathers4equality.nsf/pages/mothersandchildabuse

    http://www.f4e.com.au/equalparenting/fathers4equality.nsf/pages/childabuserisks

    http://www.f4e.com.au
47. H on November 14th, 2009 12:05 pm 47

    Screw rights.. what happened to responsibility? how responsible is it of anyone to say your father or mother isn’t good enough to be in your life? is it any wonder we have teenagers with identity issues… They’ve been told that half of their heritage are low down dirty rotten scoundrels by a system that operates against the rule of law..

    Maybe it’s time the court and parents started acting like adults and a little less like children.
48. Asisha on November 14th, 2009 4:59 pm 48

    Dave the slave, your comments sound anecdotal and without a foundation, by continuing to blame and generalise all mothers based on your own story, where the mother of your child suffered from untreated mental illness, whilst in a relationship with you, where you overlooked her mental illness. Your statistics is inaccurate on abuse, and perhaps you may want to look at how many pedofiles exist, in fact Australia has the highest abusers frequesnting asian countries to abuse, and it is also amongst the allfuent, I have not come across abusive mothers to the extent that I have with the father’s, abusing the system, and of course there are many normal man too, but a handful of extremist father’s seem to want to tell the world about themselves through abuse of women and children. Look at the abusers in the system rorting the system, holding onto their jobs by abusing children and vulnerable women.